I rested my chin on her head, letting her know she was wanted where she was. Slowly, she let go and began to cry. It was like watching a terrible boulder charge down a hill. Her cries built in intensity, wracking her weary body, shocking mine. I began to rub her back, cooing nonsensical sounds of comfort to her, anything to help her lance the poison from her soul. I felt wholly inadequate right then. What could I possibly say to make her feel better? I had let her be taken from me. I had broken my promise to keep her with me. How could I convince her to trust me again? How can I trust myself with her well-being? ‘Thank you.’ She managed to choke out at last, her sobs finally ebbing. ‘I love you.’ ‘I’m sorry I broke my promise.’ I said kissing the top of her head. ‘I’m sorry I couldn’t stop them.’ ‘It’s not your fault.’ She said, looking up at me. ‘You did everything you could short of killing those policemen, and I don’t want you to do that.’ She stood on tip toe and kissed me. ‘If. Eventually I decided to join one of the ‘naughtier’ online dating sites and advertise myself as available for gang-bang sex and see what response this got. The profile picture I posted showed me in a provocative pose in a tiny string bikini I bought for the purpose. I was careful not to show my face for fear of being recognised by my neighbours!Almost straight away I started getting replies. But this created a problem I had not considered – apart from one guy who referred to him and his mate, all the others were single. All willing to join in, but from different parts of the country, some even overseas. So,I would have to find a venue and a time that suited a good number. I decided straight away, that was not going to happen.So I had to think again!I came to the conclusion that apart from going to parties etc and hoping for a group session, the only way would be for me to arrange it myself.This would involve hiring a venue, which would cost me money, so I had to consider if guys would.
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